For Grown-Ups: helping children through loss in hard times
Telling a child about a death
- Tell them soon and tell the truth, somewhere quiet, with their comfort object nearby.
- Use the real words "died" and "dead". Avoid "sleeping", "gone away" or "lost", which can frighten or confuse young children.
- Explain simply: their body stopped working; they don't feel pain any more.
- Say clearly that it is not the child's fault.
- Expect the same questions again and again; answer patiently each time. "I don't know" is an honest answer.
What grief can look like
- It comes in waves: crying one minute, playing the next. That's normal, not a sign they don't care.
- Younger children may act younger again: clinging, wetting the bed, baby talk. Don't punish it.
- Older children may get angry, go quiet or try to act grown-up. Check in gently.
- Body signs are common: tummy aches, headaches, poor sleep, eating changes.
What helps
- A steady, loving grown-up and as many daily routines as you can keep: meals, bedtime, school or child-friendly-space time, play.
- Including them in goodbyes and rituals in the way your family and faith do, if they want to.
- Memory activities: drawings, a memory pouch, songs, stories about the person.
- Limiting exposure to news images and adult conversations about frightening details.
- Telling teachers and helpers, so others can support the child.
- Looking after yourself too. You're grieving as well, and it's okay to let a child see you sad while still showing you're there for them.
Ambiguous loss (missing family)
Children can hope and grieve at the same time. Don't force either "they'll be back" or "they're gone". Register missing family members with official family-tracing services (the Red Cross and Red Crescent Restoring Family Links programme).
Get professional help if
- the child talks about wanting to die or hurting themselves (act straight away)
- the child is being harmed or is unsafe
- distress, withdrawal or major behaviour changes last more than about six weeks or keep getting worse
- the child can't do daily things (eat, sleep, play, learn)
- you are struggling to cope yourself Ask local health services, camp protection or MHPSS teams, or child-friendly spaces. To find a helpline in your country, go to https://findahelpline.com.
Using the show with your child
Watch loss episodes together (look for the content note first). Afterwards, ask: "What did you notice? How did the Rangers help each other? Who would you talk to?" Then do the page's memory activity together.